God works in mysterious ways. I cannot see God moving with my physical eyes, but like the wind blowing through the trees, I can sometimes see the results of His power over a period of time. Please consider these real life examples of how God continues to turn me inside out.
Upside Down
I spent my youth and a measure of my adult years living in morbid fear of the sight of blood. I would feel faint or actually pass out if I saw blood or thought about the sight of blood. This was nothing physiological, but this phobia nevertheless produced real physical results. I remember passing out in Junior High in class in front of everyone when the subject of donating blood was discussed one day. What a weakling or a wimp, you might say. And you might be right, for there is no logical reason for this behavior - why my body panicked in this fashion. But in my weakness He is strong, so at the right time, in accordance with His will and mercy, God replaced my fear with His peace. I just began noticing that watching a nurse fill a 10 cc tube of blood from my left arm for analysis no longer bothered me. I have no better explanation for this change than the fear I somehow acquired as a boy. It is a mystery from both perspectives. God turned my mind upside down in an area that most people never have a problem in the first place.
A Sense of Humor
I hail from a small family. With one brother, our clan of four could move on something quickly and efficiently, never lacking for action. So imagine the Lord's delight when He sent Kathy to me, a wonderful woman from a family of seven children! And then we proceeded to have five kids of our own. At first, making decisions by committee seemed troublesome, but not so much anymore. I wouldn't trade my small family as a child for my large family as a husband/dad and vice versa. The stirring of the pot must have brought the Lord a smile or two these past 23 years, and the changes He wrought in my heart no doubt have better-equipped me to relate to others in a more balanced manner.
A Work in Progress
Some 1/x transformations are ongoing and proceed slowly over a long period of time. For example, I am exhorted to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger, but my tendency is just the opposite: to be slow to hear, quick to speak and quick to anger! Anger can take many forms, such as impatience, interrupting and tailgating. I often interrupt a conversation so that I will not forget a point I wish to make. A thought can enter and exit my mind so quickly that I must jump on it immediately. Perhaps interrupting a speaker is a style of pride, thinking that what I have to say is more important that what is currently being spoken. So what I now try to do is repeat a key word from the statement I wish to make over and over in my head. When an opening becomes available, I can recall the thought using the keyword hook. I might also jot down a word or two on paper instead of the silent word repetition. Also, I get impatient (with myself) if I cannot find something, but have partially mitigated this issue by ordering my gear (watch, wallet, ring, prayer pager, cell phone, etc) so that I can readily find them every time in the same place.
Heed the Call
When I was in college, I thought God wanted me to go to Africa. I am embarrassed to tell you that I said "no." I had my reasons, such as severe allergic, even life threatening reactions to the sting of wasps. Other excuses included my studies in electrical engineering at Texas A&M would be nullified and I am a white guy who gets sunburned just from walking outside to check the mail on a sunny summer day. That was in the late 1970s. Then in 1983 I married the daughter of career missionaries to - you guessed it - Africa!
In the early 1990s the tug to do missions returned. This time my reply was a nervous "okay." I then contacted our pastor and mission agencies. Imagine my surprise when they said "no" to me! My spiritual resume' was not impressive, I was told. Given the training required and expenses associated with getting someone to the mission field, I was too great a risk, especially with two small children and #3 on the way at the time. Perhaps I could have prosecuted this matter more aggressively, but I was perplexed that my "okay I will go" was met with rejection.
In October 2006 I was presented with an opportunity to make a 12 day mission trip to visit orphans in Moldova. This time I voiced an immediate "Yes!" and traveled to that Eastern European country in January 2007, where I was blessed to be in the presence of hundreds of children, all of whom were delighted that someone would come to see them. I cannot wait to get back to see Nelly and Gaby, two girls my family is sponsoring, but I lack the opportunity. I am shouting a resounding "Yes" to the heavens and God is saying "Wait." The circle is now complete. My "no" is "yes" and God's "yes" is presently "someday."
Boomerang
Some things find their way back to you. This is the case for my 1976 Trans Am, which I foolishly sold in 1981 when I graduated from college, thinking it was time to grow up and enter the work force driving a Pontiac Sunbird, vinyl roof and all. Decades pass and then the thought: "Get the car back!" To which I say "Why, for what purpose?" I push the issue out of my mind until mom presents me with a collection of pictures of my Trans Am taken at a friend's house 25 years ago. The pics have yellowed, but the memories are crystal clear. Yet the "why?" and "for what purpose?" questions remain. The next thing I know a Trans Am exactly like my legacy TA is listed on eBay and ends up in my garage in January 2006. I let it go and the Lord returned it to be a part of my survivor story. Judging from the conversations that ensue when I drive this machine (less than 80 miles per month) and emails I get from people who Google "Trans AM" and find this site, I'd say the Lord knows what He is doing, even if I am prone to still pose the "why" question to check my course along the way.
